Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
