fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Come back. Shots need mouths.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
