Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
