i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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