I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
