the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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