Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
