im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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