3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
