I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
