We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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