You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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