SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
