i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
How does it feel to date your dad?
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