I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You have to summon your inner elephant
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
