i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
