CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
