Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
