Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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