Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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