That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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