i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
