I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
