The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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