Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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