I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
