And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
