dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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