i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
