Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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