This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
