After last night, I could never be a politician.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
