When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
