Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
