I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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