Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just had sex bonerless
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Randomize
