nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
