I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
3 2 1 whiskey
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
