Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you inspire me to be a worse person
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
