Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
