you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
