You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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