well I can't set my house on fire every night
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize