I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
