She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
