Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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