he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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