Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
