I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
