I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Soap is not a condiment
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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