Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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