She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
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Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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