yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
