Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
