I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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