When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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