Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I can't turn off my feet"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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