As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
