I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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