Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
