update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
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I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
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I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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