if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
