Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
